Update...

Well, this is just going to be a boring post with no pictures...so you don't have to read it if you don't want to. :) I know that I make random posts on my blog about my health & that I'll say I am feeling good & then I'll talk about how much pain I'm in...so I've realized it's probably kind of confusing. I also will tell people I am fine when I am actually in a ton of pain or having a really crappy day. So I decided to just tell you exactly what's been happening. (Please don't think that I hate my life though, I just hate the situation!) So here's what's going on: I haven't worked at all for the past 2 or 3 weeks (luckily it's for my parents & I just work when I feel good); I'm on some medication that has lots of stupid side effects because it makes my hormones go crazy, which makes my endometriosis grow back faster; on bad days I take about 6 Vicodin a day & on good days it's probably 2 a day; I think I fell asleep after 5am four nights last week & slept until 1pm two of the days; I am really stressed with this whole situation, which makes everything so much worse. Lincoln is working full-time & going to school full-time. It's hard because he is trying to provide for us but we really need some more income & I am too sick to work right now. He is so busy it is ridiculous...we really don't have much time at all to spend with each other.
However, I want to tell you about a few things that are going great in my life! First of all, I feel good every Sunday. I seriously think I have missed two Sundays, because I was sick or in pain, since I was put into the Primary Presidency (last July) & that in itself is a miracle. Before I was called, I missed church about half the time & actually told the bishop that I'd accept the calling, but that I was really worried that I wouldn't be able to fulfill my responsibilities at all. I am about to cry as I write this...Primary has been the biggest blessing to me. I know I've mentioned this before but let me tell you why. The kids have so much LIFE in them...they just make me want to live better & be happier. There are three girls in Primary who have come to my house to give me pictures that they drew & I absolutely LOVE that! This calling makes me feel like I have something to offer, & I am actually able to accomplish things in this area in my life. I seriously go to church feeling good & sometimes within an hour after I come home I am laying on the couch in pain. Most of the time I feel good the whole day on Sunday though, & then Monday hits and I am in pain/sick the majority of the week. I seriously have to sometimes lay on the couch all day for 3 days in a row (of course eating & showering in between :) ) but come Sunday I am FINE! I am seriously SO blessed!
One other thing...I have a good marriage. I can't say that we don't fight, I can't say that we haven't made each other really upset before, because we definitely have! We are SO different from each other, so we think it really is so strange that we ended up together. But now we are starting to see WHY....we teach each other things every day. We are so open with each other (maybe too open, I don't know) but I can say that we are great friends. We try to look past each other's faults (& trust me, there are some big ones with us both) & help each other with our struggles in life. Sometimes all I can think about is having a baby, but then I stop & think about how we are supposed to put our relationship with our spouse before our kids. I realize that Lincoln is my life right now, and that children will hopefully come with time, & I have REALLY learned to enjoy the fact that we've been married for 4 years & aren't raising a child or two. Of course this was definitely not in our plans...most of our marriage has been COMPLETELY different than we had expected or even hoped, but it's good. We would love to have Jackson here, we would love to be pregnant again, we would love a lot of things...but we are learning to embrace our situation. It makes me realize that Heavenly Father knows what I need SO much more than I know what I need. Anyway, I just wanted to share an update but it turned into more..... I do want to thank those of you who always ask how I'm feeling. It means a lot to us! Thanks!!!