Complaining

All day I have had this pent-up negative energy inside of me & writing about it in my journal didn't seem good enough...so I am blogging about it instead. :) I know that Heavenly Father is very aware of my health problems (more aware than I even realize) and that this is His will. However, it doesn't mean that it is always easy to deal with! I am tired of having an insane sleeping schedule. Two nights this week I went to bed early and got over 12 hours of sleep. The other two nights I went to bed VERY late (6:30am one night....morning......whatever) and only got a few hours of sleep. Tonight is proving to be one of those "later" nights. My immune system is weak right now & my lack of sleep doesn't help & makes my pain harder to handle. Moving on...

I am tired of seeing Lincoln being affected by my trials. I hate that he has to make his own dinner most of the time, live in a cluttered house, not touch me sometimes because I'm hurting so much, and wonder what kind of day I'm having each day. I hate that he is financially responsible for taking care of our family when he is going to school full-time, that his love language is "acts of kindness" & basically all I can do is TELL him that I love him, and that he almost always has to drive when we go somewhere (even when he comes home from work having not slept & we drive straight to Snowflake) because I'm on painkillers. Some of these things sound so insignificant but they just get old so fast!

I guess that is it. That's all I really have to complain about and surprisingly I already feel better. I was afraid this post would be 20 paragraphs before I was through. :) Now, normally I would consider just deleting this before I even post it...but I'm not going to. It is important to me that I remember the hard times as well as the good. That way the good times are that much sweeter and I can see how far I've come & how much our situation has improved. I am SO glad that I have my surgery scheduled. I feel like I've pushed through my pain for so long (even though it's only been a month & a half since my acupuncture stopped working so well) & now that it is going to get better soon, I've run out of patience! I seem to do that quite often. The last leg of the race is always the very hardest for me. Well, thanks to those who read this. I really do appreciate all of the support that everyone gives me!