Me

I managed to get a few pictures of myself, although most of them were taken on the same day.

Kylee & I swinging in the backyard...

Claire & I...

I love this picture because I'm running around the park with Kylee on my shoulders, being an ACTIVE mom! I honestly wondered if this day would come! I am SO blessed!!!

Hanging out at Sonic...

Somebody please remind me to pack my bug spray next time!

A Few More

And here are a few more pictures to finish this trip off!

Daisy & Duke loved the backyard. Duke liked to lay in the middle of the yard & enjoy the sun...

Matt & Danielle have beautiful plants & flowers in their front & back yards...

Kylee loved seeing her grandparents! She thought it was pretty fun to help Grandpa mow the lawn!

I do wish that we could settle down and enjoy small town life permanently, but we have many adventures ahead of us before we will be able to! Until then, we sure do enjoy visiting!!!

As far as being a mother of 4 goes, I learned a lot and have a new found appreciation for what mothers of multiple children do. For now though, I think I'll stick to life with one. I really don't think I pulled off this wanna-be mom of multiple kids thing, and decided maybe I should just stick to the "fun aunt" role for now. :)

Jackson's 4th Birthday

Today was Jackson's 4th birthday. Yesterday we released balloons at the cemetery in celebration of him. Unfortunately, one of the balloons popped right after we got there, so we tied the popped balloon to two others, and let Kylee release one herself. Not what I planned, but that is ok. :)

While we were at the cemetery, Lincoln talked with me about his grandpa's conversation with President Hinckley about our situation...and President Hinckley's assurance that Jackson would be ours. We had already received a personal witness of this, but it was so special for us to learn of the prophet's confirmation as well. I love talking with Lincoln about the amazing things that happened to us right after we had Jackson. This was just one of those memories that we will have with us forever.

Yesterday was a beautiful day & I loved spending time with my family and remembering how Jackson has touched all of our lives.

Lincoln giving Kylee her balloon to release...

Trying to eat it instead...

Happy birthday Jackson!

Kylee watching the balloons in the sky...

My eternal family...

These last few days have been kind of rough, but today went well. I have two friends who call me every single year on Jackson's birthday and talk with me about him and what happened. It is the most thoughtful thing and makes me feel so loved. I had three other friends let me know that they were thinking about me today, my sister gave me a sweet gift, and my parents had us over for cake & ice cream to celebrate Jackson. 

Jackson's birthdays are hard, but they help me remember everything that I learned on that day, 4 years ago. I became a mother that day, grew so much as a person, and my relationship with Lincoln took on new meaning. I felt pure, Christlike love from so many people around me, and felt their compassion, sympathy, and sadness. It was a very unique, sacred, spiritual time for me. 

Happy birthday to my sweet Jackson. I miss him more than I can explain, but I am so happy that he gets to be where he is. He's a special little boy and I feel so privileged to be his mother.

Mother of 4: Day #8

I'm back!
Today we released balloons at the cemetery for Jackson's 4th birthday, had a great family dinner at Linc's parents' house, and Matt & Danielle came home.
Tomorrow I am planning on relaxing all day.
And posting pictures from my week away, of course.
The whole "blogging every night" thing was fun, but I don't think I'll be keeping it up. Don't be too disappointed! :)

Mother of 4: Day #7

I met my friend Jennifer at the park & had a great visit with her. She's a really good mom. It's so obvious that she cares so much about her kids. I have a feeling that they will grow up to do great things. I've never told her that I think that...but now she knows. :)

Lincoln came back tonight. I hadn't seen him in 6 days. It's true that "absence makes the heart grow fonder". The only time I remember him looking as cute as he did to me when he walked through the door tonight, was the moment I saw him for the first time in my life. I really do think when I met him, it was love at first sight (for me at least). On paper, we honestly don't look like we would go together AT ALL. But from the moment I met him, I just knew I couldn't live without him. Tonight reminded me of that. Cheesy? Yes. But true.

Mother of 4: Day #6

Best Part of the Day:

Kylee & I riding in the truck with Uncle Lamar while he & Brian cut corn.

(Some interesting background: Uncle Lamar is Linc's uncle, and his wife is my 2nd cousin. So they are family on both mine & Linc's sides, if that makes any sense. Totally fun for me that I married their nephew! And Brian is their son, & is the one who set Linc & I up on our first date.)

The corn stalks were beautiful & I LOVED seeing how they cut the corn. Kylee leaned out the window to watch, & enjoyed every minute of it. Linc will be happy to know that our little girl got a REAL farm lesson and saw REAL tractors & machines instead of reading about them in her board books. :) Loved, loved, loved this experience!!! I may stick out like a sore thumb on the farm, but seeing the way everything runs is fascinating to me!

By the way, the farm's pumpkin patch & haunted corn maze opens next month! Click HERE to see the dates & info.

P.S. Lincoln takes the MCAT tomorrow. I think I'm more nervous than he is! GOOD LUCK BABE!!! I'm sure you will do GREAT!

Mother of 4: Day #5

Jackson's 4th birthday is on Monday. I'm feeling sad about it. It just hit me today. I'm not sure why, but I couldn't stop thinking about him all morning. I really have only done that a few times in the past few years, so it surprised me.

I've been home with Kylee & my niece Claire for the past 4 days, while the boys have been at school. Claire is 2 1/2 months older than Jackson would be. I actually have two nephews that age too. It never bothers me; I really enjoy seeing what those 3 are doing and how they are growing. Even from the time we lost Jackson, I found comfort in knowing that I could be involved in the lives of my niece & nephews who were the same age as he would be. With that being said, taking care of Kylee this week, alongside a child who is Jackson's age, has kind of given me a little glimpse of how it would be if he was here with us.

As I was thinking about all of this today, I had a really sweet experience. I felt such a neat spirit and felt Jackson close by. I felt like I got a lot of questions answered. I don't have those experiences as often as I used to, so it was so nice to feel that again. Even when I miss Jackson, I am 100% sure that things are the way that they are supposed to be. The only reason I feel sad is because I miss him so much. I know having him die before I was able to spend a day with him was part of the Lord's plan for him, as well as His plan for our family.

I've also been thinking a lot about mothering lately, especially with taking care of 4 kids this week. I know that mothering is a lot more than fixing meals and doing laundry. I know that motherhood is a sacred calling and that it is truly the most important thing that we can devote our lives to. And I know that women who don't have children can still make a HUGE difference in a child's life. 

This will most likely be the only week of my life that I will be able to call myself a mother of 4. And that is how it should be. Every family is different and every mother is needed to fill a specific role in their children's lives. I'm so thankful for Kylee & for the role that I am able to play in her life. And I'm so thankful for Jackson & for the bond that I am able to have with him, even though he isn't here on earth with me. 

I have a plaque in my home that says, "Because someone we love is in heaven, we feel heaven in our home." That is so true for us. Lincoln & I appreciate Jackson, because he really does bring a little bit of heaven to our home. I miss Jackson terribly today, but I wouldn't have things any other way. He is where he should be, we are where we should be, and we will all be together in the end. I really do believe in happy endings, and until we get ours, I'll enjoy all the sweet experiences that I can get. I sure had a sweet one today.

Mother of 4: Day #4

4- year-old Claire has been crying about 3 times a day because she misses her mom so much. Poor thing. So today I found her bawling in the chair & this was our conversation:

Me: "I'm so sorry you miss your mom, Claire. Is there something that I can do to help you?"

Claire: "Yes."

Me: "What?"

Claire: (She can barely talk because she is crying so hard.) "Well, you have brown hair. And my mom has brown hair." (She starts crying harder.)

Me: "Ok."

Claire: "But my mom is a square & you are a circle. And I'm a square too, like my mom." (Then she stops crying & is fine.)

Glad I could help! :)

Mother of 4: Day #3

Notes to Self:

1) Tonight make sure your alarm is set for 6:45AM, not 6:45PM, when you go to bed. And be very thankful that you have a mother-in-law who called to check on you at 7:10 this morning. Oh, and ask the kids MORE THAN ONCE if they have their backpacks with them, so you won't have to make multiple trips to the school in one day.

2) Remember that the big, loud trucks that drive by the house can make the doorbell ring & the car alarm go off, and that it isn't someone trying to freak you out.

3) Brush up on your 5th grade science before Kylee is in 5th grade. Because right now you don't know over half the terms in a 5th grader's science homework.

Mother of 4: Day #2

Lincoln left to go home to Mesa tonight. Jayten said it best when he said, "The house feels empty without Uncle Lincoln here."

I told Jarod that he couldn't have a vanilla pudding before bed & he started crying. Then I started crying because I felt so bad that he was crying. Totally pathetic, I know, but that boy just has my heart!

We may or may not have had to call off the police & fire departments tonight at our family party, when we started a fire so big that the smoke could be seen from town. I married into the coolest family ever. :)

Mother of 4: Day #1

Today was my first day as a mother of 4. I have 7 more days to go. Click HERE to see the 3 cute faces I get to see every day for the next week.

Tonight I had a conversation with Jayten (the oldest) that went something like this:

Jayten: "Are you ok?"

Me: "Yeah, I am. I'm just really tired. When I'm really tired, I'm kind of..."

Jayten:" A CRANK?"

Oops. I haven't been sleeping much the past few weeks & it seems to be affecting me more than I thought. I now understand a little better why my friends who have multiple kids tell me how EASY their life was when they had only one child. Don't get me wrong, these kids are the sweetest, cutest kids ever...but getting 4 kids ready for 9am church today was harder than I thought. Let's hope that I'm a little more fun to be around this next week! :)

A Busy Few Days!

We've had a lot of fun the past 3 days! I'm definitely trying to take full advantage of all the time I can get with friends & family, knowing that there is a good possibility that someday soon I won't have them near!

On Tuesday, I went with some girls from my ward to the Fountain Hills Splash Pad. This is my new favorite place! It has a splash pad, two little park areas for the kids, ducks walking around everywhere and of course the awesome fountain! I'm guessing I will be spending a lot of time there in the next few months.

Julie got some really cute shots of Kylee enjoying the water...

I loved the fact that I could get down on the ground & play and not have to worry about it hurting! I didn't run out of energy either, even after playing in the water for quite awhile & taking a walk with Kylee in her stroller. What a difference this is from being stuck in the house & hurting every time I take a step! My life has improved SO much in the last couple of months!

 I took our little friend Levi under the water bucket, thinking that the water would fall on HIM. Well, obviously my judgment was wrong.

 Wednesday was Kylee's "Gotcha Day". In an adoption book I read, a little girl wrote about how her adoptive family celebrates the day they took her home with them & that they call it her "Gotcha Day". I LOVED the idea. We decided to make going out to dinner Kylee's "Gotcha Day" tradition. Since she was too young to decide where to eat this year, I took it upon myself to choose. Sounds like a funny choice, but the strawberry banana pancakes from IHOP were calling my name. YUM. Lincoln, Linc's friend from work, & his wife & son met Kylee & I there. We had a good time!

Most of all, I loved thinking about what we were doing a year ago: 1) Walking around Target with Melissa & Brad, pushing Kylee in her stroller. I remember getting food there & wondering how we were going to carry our food & drinks & push Kylee's stroller, all at the same time. Oh, how simple life had been the day before, when we both had TWO hands to do everything. :) 2) Meeting up with my cousins, aunt, & uncle to introduce them to Kylee. I will never forget how excited they were for us. My Aunt Tricia is one of those people who gets more excited when good things happen to other people, than she does for herself. She was the same way when we introduced her to Kylee. I will always remember that! (Love you Tricia!) 3) My mom & Megan came over late that night (they had been out of town) to meet Kylee! SO awesome. My mom has helped me through the adoption process A LOT. 4) Falling asleep with a baby next to my bed. The only other experience I'd had with this, was falling asleep with Jackson next to my hospital bed. Knowing that Kylee would be there the next night & the next night & the next, & listening to her breathing was honestly one of the happiest moments of my life. 

After we got home from IHOP, I realized that we hadn't taken a picture of us on Kylee's 1st "Gotcha Day". When I tried to take a picture of Kylee & I before bed, she quickly turned her head to give me a kiss. Holy cow, I am in love with this girl.

I, of course, gave her a big kiss back. I am SO blessed to have Kylee as my daughter! (You can see her two top teeth in this picture!)

Thursday I hosted Bunko! My Bunko group is THE BEST! The group is made up of myself, Mom, Melissa, 7 of my cousins & 2 of my aunts. I do have to say that I have a LOUD scream reserved for when I get a Bunko. Every time I roll one, I scream AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS. That's one thing about me...when I am excited, everyone knows it! Hopefully I haven't burst any eardrums. :)

I hope I don't jinx myself by saying that I have awfully good luck when playing this. I've won something every month (we've been playing it for 6 months) and won this table last night. Not sure where to put it yet, but I am excited about it!

And Bunko wouldn't be complete without a YUMMY dessert. The Motherlode Layered Cookie Bars from Picky Palate was what I made, & they are heavenly. Eat them with a couple of scoops of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream & you're set for a few minutes of pure joy.

As you can see, we've had a fun-filled, busy three days! Now I just need to catch up on sleep & I'll be ready for more!