Updates

I thought I would post a few good updates! Last week my endodontist appointment went extremely well. I definitely have new bone growth in my mouth...this month's x-ray looks so much better than last month's x-ray. My endodontist is confident that more bone will grow back. He still thinks he will need to do surgery on my mouth...but if as much bone grows back as he his hoping, the surgery won't be nearly as big of a deal as it would have been. I've been going to the endodontist regularly for 10 months now. I'm SO glad that all of his work is finally paying off!

Also, the new medication that the GI doctor prescribed is working very well! I don't feel nearly as "out of it" today as I have since I started taking it. I also woke up at 11am today...which I know is still really late, but it is much better than sleeping into the afternoon like I was doing! I feel like my body is finally adjusting to it. Last night I got a good night's sleep...I still got 11 hours but am confident that my body will keep adjusting so that I can sleep 8-9 hours a night. Also, as far as taking my pain away, this medication is working wonders! I still have to take a couple Percocet a day...but this is my week that is usually HORRIBLE, & I am already taking less pain medication than I do on a day outside of my bad week! So far today I've taken Aleve & one Percocet and I feel pretty good. Seriously, that is UNBELIEVABLE...usually during my bad week I am taking 6 Percocet and 2 Aleve over the course of a day, and am still in excruciating pain. I am really hoping that soon I will only have to take this new medication (which I mentioned before is NOT a narcotic) & Aleve and won't have to take Percocet at all. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that that will happen!

So while things are still definitely not ideal, there are some big improvements! I'm still worried about what might be causing these stomach problems, because this medication is just masking the pain...but I am SO thankful that I am more comfortable and not in as much pain as before, and am able to take less pain pills every day. Hooray for that!!!

T-H-A-N-K-Y-O-U!

Thanks once again to my hubby. This week has been oh-so C-R-A-P-P-Y & he has been trying so hard to help me through it. I can't wait until the day when it is E-A-S-Y to be married to me & when he doesn't have to do E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G himself!!!

Random Pics

Here are a few random pictures from the last week. My neighbor brought this little guy over to visit. They are watching him sometimes for their friend. He is SO tiny! I couldn't believe that our dogs were ever this small! It's a good thing we already have puppies, or I would have made Lincoln buy one for me, after seeing this one. I was squealing over him the entire time he was here!
Lincoln playing with him...doesn't he look excited to be having his picture taken?! The dogs didn't know what to think. Daisy was really gentle with him, but Duke was going crazy. At one point I was afraid Duke was going to eat him. :)

On Thursday night we went to Linc's cousin Betsy's wedding dinner. It was a lot of fun to be outside enjoying good company. The dinner was baseball themed, so they had little stands with snacks. Lincoln thought he was being hilarious by taking a picture of me standing with all of the little kids in the cotton candy line.

Of course he didn't have a hard time accepting the cotton candy that I got for him. :)

Just Call Me Sleeping Beauty...

My GI appointment went fairly well. I am so thankful! The doctor I saw was an old man wearing cowboy boots...so Lincoln liked him right away. :) I was really impressed with how much time he took with us. We talked with him for at least 45 minutes & he was extremely thorough. He decided to do some tests (colonoscopy & endoscopy) in two weeks, but told me that he wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't find anything wrong, because whatever is wrong doesn't seem like it's something that is obvious or common. He will then look into some rare cases & will keep looking for answers.

He gave me a medication (that is not a narcotic) to try to help me sleep & to help my pain. It was originally given for a different problem, but it ended up helping patients with both of those things. The dr. said he just wanted me to try it...so I took it last night...and slept for 16 hours. I fell asleep at 11:00 last night & woke up at 3:00 this afternoon. The crazy thing is that I woke up with about 30% of the pain I usually have, so it definitely helped! I'm just trying to figure out how to use this medication without sleeping all day, every day! Tonight I'm going to cut it in half and take it earlier. I'm crossing my fingers that it will work!

Confused, Frustrated, Upset...Take Your Pick!

I will spare you the details & just say that these past few days have been...well, bad seems like a very mild word to describe them, but that's the word I am choosing to use. Today involved ANOTHER doctor (yes, this isn't the first time) telling me that I basically couldn't come back to their office until I was diagnosed with something. My doctor refused to continue prescribing painkillers for me because I am 25 and am having pain for no obvious reason. Because my doctor doesn't have proof that I have anything wrong with me, she is done with me because she doesn't want to risk having her medical practice shut down. (I honestly don't blame her...I just have no clue what to do.) My insurance company is refusing to fill my prescription (the last one my dr would give me) because my previous prescription had the wrong dosage information on it...and according to that info I should still have half a bottle of pills left. That is just some of what happened today. Yesterday was worse, but it had to do with a totally different problem that I'm not wanting to blog about. Tomorrow I have an appointment with my GI. I'm sure he will be so happy to hear that my primary care physician has turned everything over to him...including managing my pain from now on. I just don't understand. I don't understand why my doctors eventually give up on me. I don't have a single doctor who has stuck with me through all of this. They basically throw me out & leave me on my own. I'm sick of it.

P.S. I'm so glad that Linc was at my appointment today & saw everything that happened. I have no idea what I would do if he wasn't working with me to try to find help.

Books

I went to Deseret Book with Lincoln yesterday to use a gift card that I'd gotten for Christmas. I left the store with 3 hardcover books to add to my growing collection of this certain series...& all of them had been on clearance! I felt like I'd won the lottery. I absolutely LOVE to read. When I was younger I was the nerdy girl walking home with her face in a book. After our neighbor called my mom to tell her how cute it was, I stopped...but I remember walking extra-fast so that I could get home to find out what happened next in my book. I often got in trouble because I read instead of doing my chores. My mom says even when I was a baby, I LOVED being read to, and would sit there paying attention to the books for much longer than most kids.


I still love to read. I may not be the best with literary terms or have the best insight into books and the hidden meanings behind their words, but I thoroughly enjoy entering another world through the pages of a book! When I read words that perfect a feeling that I can't express myself, I get goosebumps. I read the phrase over & over to try to memorize it, so that I can remember it the next time I feel that feeling. My taste in books is much like my taste in food...I like pretty much anything. Lincoln brought home three books from the library for me & I can't wait to dive into them!


After my surgery, I read 10 times as much as I did when my endometriosis was really bad. That's the worst thing about painkillers...I can only read a couple chapters at a time instead of reading for hours without a break. I just can't focus like I want to, and I don't absorb the story as well as usual. Now I'm back to slowly reading my books & am looking forward to the day when I can read for as long as I want to!

CREATE

I saw this video of Pres. Uchtdorf on my friend's blog and wanted to share it. I remember very clearly hearing this message for the first time at the General Relief Society Meeting last year. I came home & told Lincoln that Pres. Uchtdorf had given a talk that people would be talking about for years. I was blown away by his message and the Spirit that was present as he spoke. Everyone around me was crying. I knew immediately that this message came from God. IT SPOKE TO MY SOUL. This talk inspires me & gives me a clearer sense of who I am & why I am here on earth. This message is full of power & truth. I love it.

Outlet

This was my entertainment tonight...along with watching tv for hours. Daisy & Duke are fascinated with mosquito hawks. It seems like every night we have one or two flying around our house, and the dogs chase them & try to eat them. As I was blogging, they were sitting here with me on the bed, totally entranced by the mosquito hawk on the wall. (Can you see it between the lamp & the bedpost?) They sat like this for almost 10 minutes just STARING...it was hilarious. I had such a bad day today & they really cheered me up. :)

This blog is obviously my outlet. I am just starting to worry that people are getting tired of me talking about my health so much. I don't want to seem ungrateful for the blessings that I have in my life, that so many others don't have. I want to write about these hard things that are happening to me, so that I can look back & say, "I got through that. I pushed through. I came out on top." I want to blog about the bad, so that when I have kids & am feeling good & things are better, people can realize that God truly hears our prayers and answers them. I know it will happen...I just don't know when!

Overwhelmed

When I wake up in the morning, I lie in bed for about 30 minutes, trying to gear myself up for the day & trying to figure out how I can make it a good day. Then I get up and take 2 medications & wait 30 minutes until I eat breakfast. (If I was smarter, I would have the first 2 medications by my bed to take right when I woke up.) Then once I have something in my stomach, I take pain medication, a probiotic and sometimes ginger root for nausea. I then wait about 45 minutes for the pain medication to kick in...so it takes about 2 hours from the time I wake up until I can function somewhat & try to get things done. That is my morning routine right now & I really don't like it. I really dislike being on pain medication. It makes me so "out of it" sometimes. I can't focus, I can't drive, I can't think. If I don't take the pain medication though, I am in bed the whole day. I don't know what to do.

If the GI specialist can't find anything wrong with me, what do I do? I feel like I have no options. My endometriosis already makes me feel that way. These stomach problems just add to my pain & worries. I have no plan for my life. I can't set long-term goals while dealing with all of these things I'm going through right now. I am completely stressed out and overwhelmed. I started having pain last night (and am having it right now) that has to do with my endometriosis. Like I said before, I still have a REALLY terrible week every month. Every month I forget how bad the pain is until it hits. It takes my breath away, it is so painful! It honestly feels like labor...I'm not kidding. Even on painkillers, it hurts A LOT.

I have so many things I need to do this week. Doctor and visiting teaching appointments to keep, a wedding dinner & reception to go to, grocery shopping, Primary stuff, etc. How can I get these things done when I am in bed because of the pain or I can't drive because I'm on painkillers? Welcome to my life.

P.S.-I know I'm being totally negative...I'm trying to snap out of it.

Love Story

Today I woke up extremely grateful for Lincoln. Our "love story" is different than a lot of people's. We'll be celebrating our 5th anniversary in a few weeks. We aren't raising children together yet. We've definitely seen each other under tragic circumstances...some of which were fairly public, and some more private moments. We are so good for each other. Ask anyone who knew us before we met...I guarantee they would say that we wouldn't go well together. We are SO different from each other. We just seem to fit though. It's funny how that works out.

I can't imagine how much harder my life would be if my husband didn't try to understand my health problems & how much they affect me. He's been especially attentive and kind lately. He is so appreciative when I clean the house or cook. It makes me feel bad in a way, because I realize that has become an "extra" thing around here...but it makes me feel good knowing that he realizes how much effort things take me right now.

I can't believe we've been married for almost 5 years! Don't worry...I'll post another mushy post about him on our anniversary. :)

My Own Teacher

I think keeping a journal is so important, but I have never kept one consistently. I will write for a few weeks and then stop. I love having a blog that I update regularly, but I also think having a personal journal that nobody reads is important. I sort out my feelings through writing. I am committing myself once again to keeping a journal. I really hope I stay on it this time. Today I found some journal pages from last year that I had printed off...I was reading through them & found an interesting entry. It is dated June 9th, 2008 and says "Dr. Huish & Dr. Mofitt think that I have something else going on in my body that is causing my pain, along with the endometriosis. I received a strong confirmation a few days ago that this is true & that I need to really try to find out what it is."

I remember these doctors making that observation, but I don't remember having such a strong feeling about it. It makes me want to be even more proactive in finding out what is wrong with my body. I am glad that I came across this journal entry. I love reading old journals & realizing new things about myself through my own writing. I think many times I am my best teacher.

Schedule

PROBLEM: I can't seem to get myself on a normal schedule.

It is almost 5am and I am awake. I'm already worried because I have somewhere to be at noon. That means trying to roll out of bed at 10am (which would normally be fine)...but when I don't fall asleep until after 5am that means I'm running on less than 5 hours of sleep. I'm already feeling sick & not sleeping makes it a lot worse. The medication I'm on is great for helping me feel better, but not for sleeping normal hours!

On a good note: I had an acupuncture appointment this past Monday that has really seemed to help my stomach. It seems like I'm slowly improving, which is great. It's hard to tell how much of it is the medication working & how much of it is really me feeling better though. I've had a harder time keeping my sanity tonight. This whole situation gets old pretty quickly...but I'm trying really hard to see the good in it.

P.S.-I just reread this post...I think I sound like the laziest person EVER. Trust me, I know it is not normal to be "worried" about waking up at 10am!