Missing Out

Sometimes I feel like I'm totally missing out on normal life. I'm supposed to leave in a few hours to go to California with my family. Melissa & Brad are having their Open House there tomorrow. My bags are all packed. I woke up an hour ago in excruciating pain. My stomach is KILLING me...I can hardly move. I am trying to distract myself any way that I can. I have a feeling I'm not going to be able to go on the trip. I know I'm just feeling sorry for myself, but this really sucks. I HATE it.
P.S.-Update: In trying to distract myself, I read some of my archived posts. My health used to be so much worse than it is now. I'm just lucky I've been able to do as much as I have these last few months. Looking at how far I've come (even though I still have big temporary setbacks) helps put life in perspective for me.

Annual Hiatt Family Reunion

We left from the reception to go to Linc's annual Hiatt family reunion at their cabin in Pine. After running home to pack and packing up all of the extra food I had to take (since I couldn't eat everything that was being served there), we made it up there at about 12:30am. Luckily Linc's brother had already set our tent up for us. The highlight of the night was finding out that nobody was supposed to bring their dogs...a rule that we hadn't been told about. The weekend consisted of keeping our dogs in our tent and taking them for short walks on their leashes, trying not to let them bark at anyone. It started out being kind of a nightmare, but ended up ok. We saw a few elk on the drive up. This one was on the edge of the roundabout in Payson...
Here's our cute nephew Pacer. He's a month older than Jackson would be. I love being around him & my other niece and nephew who are 2 months older than Jackson. I get to see what stage Jackson would be in, and it gives us the opportunity to be around & play with kids his age. It's awesome.

Lincoln's Aunt Susan painted this...she is so talented!

Claire Claire hiding her face from the camera...

Our niece Alyssa & nephew Jarod spent a lot of time in the tent taking care of the dogs. They were so cute with them. Here's Duke hanging out in the tent with the kids & I...

The three of us...

Jarod,Claire & I getting ready to watch the program on Saturday night...

Pacer wearing his new hat...oh I love his cute little face!!!

The whole family watched Andy Griffith on the lawn after the program on Saturday night. Lincoln's grandpa grew up with Andy Griffith and learned to ride a bike on Andy Griffith's bike....pretty cool huh?! When Linc told my dad that story when we were dating, Linc was automatically in as far as my dad was concerned...my dad is obsessed with Andy Griffith!

Jayten was such a good big brother and let Claire snuggle with him during the movie...

The weather at night was beautiful and the company was great. Lincoln's sister Holly & her family were at the reunion. We hadn't seen them for a year so it was so fun to spend time with them. Thanks to Susan & her family for planning this year's reunion. It was really fun!

Melissa's Wedding

The wedding was great. It was so neat to see my little sister get sealed to her hubby! I'm SO excited that Brad is officially part of our family now. We love him. Here they are in all their newlywed glory...Brad & Melissa McNeil!!!

My little sis & I...

The girlies...we missed you Ashley!

Aaron & I...

Meg was so grumpy standing outside the temple. She kept getting mad at me because I was dressed in black and wasn't as hot as she was. It was pretty funny. I made her show me her grumpy face so I could document her bad mood. She was nicer once we got out of the heat. :)

Lunch at The Landmark

After the wedding, my immediate family went with Brad's family to eat at The Landmark Restaurant. We had never been there before...it was delicious! The pasta I got didn't bother me, which was awesome...I felt like a normal person! Introducing the new Mrs. Melissa McNeil (and Meg) posing for the camera!

Melissa with her one-month-old nephew. She is obsessed with babies...it made me laugh that at her own wedding celebration she was standing in the corner holding the baby. :)

Melissa's Reception

Melissa's reception was at Stonebridge Manor and it turned out great! I love the colors she chose. Her cake was adorable!


Here is some of the food...it was so yummy. I loved the miniature cupcakes...and of course no Allen reception would be complete without my mom's chocolate caramel dipped pretzels!

Our friend JaNet, my Aunt Carol and Aunt Tricia helped in the kitchen all night long. I can't even begin to tell you how many people helped out! Tricia made ALL the chicken salad and cookies and my other aunts helped a ton. It was such a huge job. They are angels!!!

Our old next-door neighbors were at the reception...we are really close to their kids. We miss them so much and love them to pieces! Here's Savannah giving Lincoln a kiss...I think this is the cutest picture EVER!

Savannah & I...

Our cousins' kids wanted to help Melissa with her dress wherever she went. It was so funny. How cute are these kids?! Melissa was a good sport. :)

The boys just hanging out...Shawn's big day is coming up soon!!!

McKenzie & I...

I can't believe it's been over 5 years since Linc & I have been married! It was so fun to have another couple join the family...finally!

A huge thank you to my cousin Savannah for doing my hair! My hair is really hard to do...I was relieved that she knew what to do with it! :) The whole weekend was so much fun for my family. Thanks to everyone who came to the reception! It was great to see so many friends there!

Hope

Last month our home teacher encouraged us to read this article from the Ensign about hope. I finally read it tonight...this was my favorite part: "(Hope) is serene. Her eyes have the deep, knowing look of someone well acquainted with sorrow, the luminosity of recently being wet with tears. Hope has the confidence of one who clearly sees a bright future even when the next hours seem fog shrouded. Hope is steady and strong..." I love that. Just thought I'd share!!!

A Quick Update

As far as my health goes, things have been really good lately! Life is SO, SO, SO much easier for us right now. I can't even believe it sometimes. I have a pretty good sense of what I can & can't eat now. However, there are still times when I eat something that I haven't eaten since all of these problems started, and I think it will be fine to eat, and it has completely messed me up...like last night! I thought I was doing good by eating one cookie and a few crackers with a scoop of cheeseball at the shower...but I am SO sick today. I slept until 1pm because my stomach hurt so much. I haven't been able to do anything yet today...and am nervous to eat anything. I'm pretty sure the cheeseball was the culprit, although I'm sure the cookie didn't help the situation. Man, it's so hard to give all of that stuff up, but I'm slowly doing it. I just hope this whole setback just lasts for today because the rest of this week is crazy. I'm crossing my fingers!!! Oh, and I had to stop exercising a couple weeks ago (it was way too exhausting to be worth it), so I'm trying to slowly add exercise back in. I can still feel the pain from my endometriosis, but it hasn't gotten any worse, which is pretty miraculous. Thanks for your prayers and for the books and tips people have given me lately! They are seriously working!!!

Melissa & Ashley's Bridal Shower

I seem to always post the most random pictures of nothing, but when I actually have something blog-worthy to post, I don't take any pictures! Oh well. Melissa & Ashley had a family bridal shower last night. It was so fun to see all of my cousins & aunts. Brad's mom & sister were able to come from Cali too. My cousin Lindsey threw the shower and did such a great job! After the shower, Linc & I hung out with the family since Ashley was leaving the next morning. We probably won't see her again until the wedding! I honestly love Ashley SO much. I can't believe I am so lucky to be getting such an amazing sister-in-law. I also can't believe that Melissa is getting married in 2 DAYS! The two of us have always been SO close and have been waiting for the day when we were both married! I'll be posting wedding pics soon!

4th of July Weekend

I decided since Lincoln was working all weekend, that I would take a trip to Snowflake to hang out with Lincoln's family! My brother Aaron and his friend Andrew came with me.We left home at 2:30pm and after a dinner stop in Pinetop, we got to Snowflake at 9pm. Ugh, it was a long, long drive! We hit rain & hail on our way to Payson and sat in traffic forever. We had to stop and take our luggage out of the back of the truck and put it inside. Poor Andrew was crammed in back with all of the luggage and both of my dogs sitting on his lap. :) We found ways to entertain ourselves though...one of which was the boys racing me up the hill into Payson. They were a funny sight. I'm really glad they came on this trip with me.

Visiting Jackson's Grave

Saturday was the hardest day I've had in a really, really long time. I only remember one Christmas since I had Jackson and one of Jackson's birthdays (and of course right after I had him) when I missed him so much and felt so sad about him not being here. I would have never thought a 4th of July would have brought out those emotions in me, but that's the crazy thing about grief...it can hit at any time. I never realized, until having to go through losing a child myself, that you can still feel such a deep sense of loss years after they are gone and that the feelings can hit so suddenly and so hard. Time does help so, so much, but I wouldn't be surprised at all if ten years down the road I have another day like this. It's just part of this whole process. Anyway, I bought some flowers for Jackson on Saturday and took them to his grave. They looked so pretty sitting there next to his headstone...

I had to take a picture of myself since I was alone. I LOVE going to the cemetery by myself. I've only done it a few times, but plan on doing it more. Of course I love visiting his grave with Lincoln too, but there is something about being there by myself with my little boy. Even though I know it is just his body that is there, I feel his spirit SO strongly every time I go...especially when I just sit and think about him by myself. Oh, I love this little guy. I miss him so much. I wish I could hug him and play with him and teach him. I know I just have to be patient and that day will eventually come.

This is truly my favorite place in the world.

Family Party

On Saturday Lincoln's family had a big 4th of July party in his parents' backyard. The kids played in the irrigation out front while the adults got ready for the party. Here is Claire getting ready to go play in the irrigation...


















Here's a pic of Duke's cute hairy face...oh, I love it!

At the party, while I was eating I saw Aaron walk up with something behind his back. He was going around asking people where I was...and I could see him the whole time. When he finally found me I told him that I already knew he had a big frog behind his back. Too bad he couldn't scare me with it. :)

I found this pic of Linc's cousin Molly on my camera when I got home. Lucky for her I'm posting the picture she took, so that everyone can see her lovely face. You're welcome Molly. :)

Taylor Rodeo

Saturday night I went with Aaron & his friends to the rodeo in Taylor. I loved watching the rodeo, even though I get so nervous for everyone out there! One guy did break his leg and had to be taken away in an ambulance. The rodeo clown did a little demonstration of cutting a girl in half that made me laugh my head off...I don't know why, but it struck me as being SO, SO hilarious. I could not stop laughing.

There was a part during the rodeo where they played patriotic music and had the horses run around with their riders holding flags. It was pretty cool.

After the rodeo we watched fireworks from the stands. They had patriotic music playing during the fireworks show. I LOVED it...it was great! It made me feel extremely grateful for and proud of my country. The only thing missing was Lincoln sitting next to me. Here is some of the group dancing after the show...

We left the next morning to come home in time for church. The drive home went by much quicker than the drive up, thank goodness! It was a fun trip!